Systemic Racism - A Lot of Unpacking

I came across the book “The Anti-Racist Organization – Dismantling Systemic Racism in the Workplace”‘ by Shereen Daniels while scrolling through LinkedIn. It was a heavy read because it triggered so many emotions from my previous role. That moment in time May 30, 2020, changed everything for me. Systemic racism had a big part to play in what I experienced and it’s not always easy to detect, but it’s real. This book helped me unpack all of it into this blog post.

TIMELINE AND EVENTS

MAY 30, 2020

Memo to all employees globally
Key points from memo; racism isn’t an American issue alone; the George Floyd murder and address the hatred towards the Asian community as it related to the coronavirus outbreak
Whatsapp text to all leaders “Hey everyone – great message regarding the tragic death of George Floyd and our plan to continue to speak out against racism. We all have a part to play”.

JUNE 2020

I shared with my manager how relieved I felt with the memo, text message and that these resources would be helpful to everyone. Was informed that a decision at the site senior leadership level, they were not going to offer to employees because “Racism doesn’t exist in Canada, right?”
The following week I prepped myself and raised the need for resources and felt like I wasn’t seen or heard NOTE: I reported into this manager three times in my career and we had a personal and professional relationship of more than 15 years.
Events I attended virtually: “Moment of Silence”, “What Can We do as a Community to Stop Racism” and “What Tactics and Resources are there for Allies of the African American Community?”
Many individuals at all levels I spoke to approached me for resources and/or wanted someone to talk to. I looked into their request and shared resources from Employee Resources Groups (ERGs) and my external network.

JULY, AUGUST, SEPTEMBER AND OCTOBER 2020 – I will only speak of my experience and keep others experiences confidential.

During these months, I witnessed AND I was also on the receiving end of microaggression, gaslighting, bias, ignorance, privilege, white privilege, prejudice, lack of psychological safety, racism, systemic racism, discrimination and systemic discrimination.
August – my manager took on the DE&I lead at our site. I asked if there was any opportunity for me to help out as I had experience leading DE&I initiatives. She didn’t need help at the time. When I followed up to see how the DE&I work was going and offered my help again, she told me that she selected the group members. Her criteria were using top talent and not wanting employees who would just be in the group to cause unnecessary noise and be off the floor.
August – my boys were returning to an in-person school year arrangement. I put together a shift modification request with two options:
- Option 1: work one day a week from home
- Option 2: reduce my work week from 40 hours to 36 hours
- Outcome: I was declined both options and was given the work schedule of leaving work twice a week 2 hours early and could work the hours in the evening to make up for it.

JANUARY 2021

I shared in a 1:1 with my manager that I was looking for flexibility after having a challenging 2020. Another lockdown was in place, and I needed to be home. Instead of hearing me out, she responded that she wasn’t sure if she could count on me or if I would be ready to be her successor because I wasn’t as committed. I was visibly upset, went back to my office and called my husband crying.
My request was denied, however that same week, the province went into lockdown and I was able to work from home
This is when the micromanaging and being treated different began

FEBRUARY 2021

The lockdown was lifted, and I requested again for flexibility with the same two options from August 2020. I was declined again and was given the work schedule of leaving work twice a week 2 hours early and was told to make up the hours after work OR to come into work in person on weekends. When I questioned why the suggestion of coming into work on weekends to make up 4 hours, my manager got defensive and told me it was just a suggestion.
I was given a letter outlining my shift accommodation and when I asked why I was given a letter when no letters were issued to three other employees who were either working hybrid or remote, my manager became upset and told me that I am client facing and was expected to be at work

APRIL 2021

April 8 – advised my manager in writing that I would be taking a two week leave of absence with my reasons: Boys are in Virtual School and my Mental Wellness. The province went back into a lockdown and being declined twice earlier in the year at a request for flexible work arrangements I was left no choice
April 20 – in a 1:1 the day before my leave, my manager and I had a very tough conversation. She wanted to know what my work schedule would look like upon my return from leave and if were to go back to the hours that were outlined in my letter. I stated that I would require some flexibility and she became frustrated. In that conversation she told me that she would move my team and have them report into her in the system. I questioned why when I would only be off for two weeks. Previous leaders have been off, and no system changes were put in place. She told me administratively it makes sense for the team to report to her. I knew at that moment, she was stripping me of my People Leader status.
April 21 – leave of absence starts

MAY 2021

May 4 – Emailed to advise manager that I would be extending my leave of absence (at this point it’s unpaid as I have used up my sick days and vacation earned) and my reason: Time to Support the Family and to Emotionally Heal
May 21 – returned from leave and during my 1:1 with my return, if she could move my team to report back into me in the system. She advised by manager that because WFH accommodations were in place (twice a week), that until I was back full time in the office, my team would remain reporting into her.

JULY 2021

July 20 – submitted resignation letter with last day of work July 30, 2021

July 22 – announcement of resignation is communicated. Two senior leaders who walk by my office do not acknowledge or communicate with me.

July 26

Asked by a member of the Ethics department if I was open to speaking to them as it was brought to their attention that I resigned. Someone raised concerns and wanted to ensure that they connected with me before leaving.
I asked if I were to share my reasons for resigning, would it remain confidential. I was assured that yes it would.
She asked me, “Is there anything that would make you reconsider and make you stay?” and “Would you ever consider returning?”
I told her the following and then followed up in an email:
- I did not want to leave ABC company
- I joined ABC Company with the intent to set roots here and be a positive change agent
- I love ABC Company for what it stands for and I am proud to be working for such an amazing company with strong values
- I deserve to be here and I am a strong contributor
- During my time at ABC Company, outside of my day to day work, I was a member of an Employee Resource Group having participated in over a dozen DE&I events
- I am surprised I didn’t suffer a mental breakdown
- My resignation is not only a decision that I made for myself. My husband, my kids, friends and extended family have seen the anxiety. They wanted me to go on LOA and not return, but financially that was not an option.

July 28

The Ethics representative called and asked if I wanted to stay in touch after my last day of work or to not be in contact. I requested no further contact as I needed to focus on my next chapter and healing.
In that conversation, she told me that she had heard me share my story. She was on the call when the Employee Resource Group held listening sessions for employees after the Atlanta Spa Shootings killing Asian women. I shared my story and my struggles at both sessions, March 17 and 18.
I shared with 200+ colleagues that I was still trying to recover from the George Floyd events and that the attack on the Asian community was hard and as a mom raising multiracial kids (Black and Asian), it felt even harder. And while I am Canadian colleague, I felt the sorrow and my family, extended family and friends did too. I shared that in Canada, there are leaders who believe that there is no racism.
The Ethics representative told me that it is hard, especially when it comes to these type of situations. She told me “It happens a lot and sometimes you have to pick and choose your battle.” When I asked for clarification, she told me that you pick and choose your battles with how you handle the situation and she too being a person of colour has to pick and choose what battles she wants to fight.
I was quiet and had nothing left to say, and to be honest if I did, I knew in that moment she wasn’t going to fight the battle to do what was right. And to be real, it’s not a battle, I call it education, accountability, and allyship. The right thing needed to be done.
I shared that conversation with my family and friends, and we’ve all seen this happen before. I resigned and, in this case, the systemic discrimination won.

July 30 – received a text from my manager that her day was so busy, thanked me for my contributions and goodbye. A few days later she unfollowed me on social media.

FINAL THOUGHTS

And in the lyrics sung by Erykah Badu, “Girl, I know sometimes it’s hard, and we can’t let go. Oh, when someone hurts you, oh, so bad inside, you can’t deny it, you can’t stop crying. One day all them bags gon’ get in your way” I am she – Bag Lady! I carried that baggage with me and had to put together how a wellness/healing plan and begin a chapter in a new company. I really did have a lot to unpack, and this book helped me do just that.

Before I sign off, I need to leave this paragraph with you from the book.

“A tool of systemic racism is how ‘good behaviour is rewarded by white leadership teams. Good behaviour means you don’t disturb the status quo. Colleagues can challenge but not too much, and being overly vocal about racism and discrimination is punishable by exclusion, being labeled as a troublemaker, to lose the inherent privileges associates with your position and/or limit advancement and other career opportunities” – Shereen Daniels

Until the next conversation!

Shine Lily XO