My Story – AAPI Mental Health Awareness Discussion

On May 10, 2023, the AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islander) Employee Resources Group was hosting a Mental Health Awareness discussion and I was a guest panelist sharing my story and some tips that helped me during a really difficult period. Below is the story that I shared with a 110+ community members.

I want to just give everyone a heads up, that I will read my story.  I had to write it out point form, because if I just talk about my story freely, I get emotional.

I want to highlight a few details before I get into it.  I am Filipino and my husband is Black and we are raising multi-racial children in Canada.   The story I’m sharing is when I worked for a previous employer.

My story – submitting a Leave of Absence with the reasons – a lockdown and I had to be home helping with virtual schooling.  The real reason for my Leave of Absence – yes to virtual schooling because the lockdown was perfect timing, but the really it was for my mental wellness and to emotionally heal.     Now let me tell you how it all started, it was right after the murder of George Floyd in 2020. I received an email from our President that all employees would be given access to resources and the time to attend listening sessions.

I went into work the next day and asked my manager about the resources.  She advised me that a decision was made at the site Leadership level to NOT offer resources to employees.  She went on to confirm her decision by saying “Racism doesn’t exist in Canada, right?”  This manager, we had a professional and personal relationships.  I knew her more than 15 years, followed her in my career three times, she was invited to my wedding and attended my baby shower.

From June 2020 – April 2021, the following took place:

• I tried several times to have her reconsider the resources, I volunteered for a DE&I committee and I shared feedback from other people leaders and colleagues.  I was trying to be an ally and I then eventually was on the receiving end of microaggression, gaslighting, bias, ignorance, privilege, white privilege, prejudice, lack of psychological safety, racism, systemic racism, discrimination and systemic discrimination.   I was also witness to these behaviours when she interacted with other employees.   
• This all occurred during COVID which added another layer of stress when our province had multiple lockdowns.  My manager started treating me differently.  I requested twice for shift modifications with an option to reduce my work hours so I can be at home to help with remote schooling.  I was denied both times, and instead given the schedule to leave work 2 hours early twice a week with the agreement to make up the hours at home.  This arrangement was put in writing.  When I asked why I was given a letter when no letters were issued to other employees who were either working hybrid or remote, my manager became upset and told me that I am client facing and was expected to be at work.  She also told me that she wasn’t sure if she could count on me or if I would be ready to be her successor because I wasn’t as committed.
• In addition, the day before my leave of absence, my manager moved my team to report into her in the system.  I questioned why when I would only be off for a short period of time and that previous leaders who were on leave, no system changes were put in place. She told me administratively it makes sense. I knew at that moment; she was stripping me of my People Leader status.
• Upon my return from leave, I asked to have my team report back to me in the system.  She told me that until I was back working full time in the office, my team would remain reporting into her
• I talked about COVID being a layer of stress, I don’t know if people recall the 2021 Atlanta Spa Shootings, that left 8 Asian women dead.  I attended a virtual support session where employees could speak.  This was my breaking point.  I shared my story with 200+ colleagues. I told them that I was trying to move past the George Floyd death, COVID restrictions were in place, multiple lockdowns, balancing work and home and then now this with the shootings.  I shared that I was worried. How was I supposed to raise my children in a world where leaders don’t think that racism doesn’t exist in Canada. 
• I resigned from that company and in my last week working, I got a call from an Ethics representative.  My resignation made it’s way to them and they wanted feedback.  I was honest.  The day before I left, that same representative called me to closed things off. She told me that it is hard, especially when it comes to these type of situations because she sees it too. She told me “It happens a lot and sometimes you have to pick and choose your battle.” When I asked for clarification, she told me that you pick and choose your battles with how you handle the situation and she too being a person of colour has to pick and choose what battles she wants to fight. I knew in that moment she wasn’t going to fight the battle to do what was right.

What did I learn from this?  I learned that you can only put on a brave face at work for so long but then exhaustion and insomnia hits. What do you want to share with people who are experiencing mental health issue?  Talk to someone – talking to someone you can trust, someone who you know is supportive. If neeeded, seek professional help. 

Are there any self-care techniques that may help – I became a DEI ambassador, a co-chair, my website has book recommendations, guest features so I can amplify their voices and I am a parent volunteer on the iDare (Inclusion, Diversity, Anti-Racism and Equity) committee at my son’s school, I read, listen to podcasts, I volunteer at a farm, I spend time outdoors and so much more.

Do you think your cultural background influences how you think about mental health? If so, how?  Yes, cultural background influences how you think about mental health.  My parents are immigrants and were grateful to come to Canada and work for one company their entire career.  They couldn’t understand why I wasn’t grateful to someone who I followed in my career 3 times. I had a good job and I should just overlook it and move on.  Only when they read my experience, they truly understood. I have kept them in the loop on my healing journey and they recognize now with how my mental health affects how I raise my kids and want to ensure that they have the voice to speak up whether it be for themselves or others.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Yours in health (mentally, emotionally and spiritually),

Shine Lily XO