Four Ways to Raising Boys as Allies
How we raise our boys is key to a future of gender equity. I am the only female in the all-boys club and that’s because I am a mother to twin boys. And while I am not raising the next generation of empowered women, I play a critical role in raising the next generation of men supporting empowered women.
I’m sharing with you four ways to raising boys to be allies:
Read to Them and Encourage Them to Read – my hubby and I are book enthusiasts and we started reading to our boys when they were babies. Reading at an early age is a commitment and I’m not gonna lie, it was hard. But we stuck to it, fell into a rhythm, and it paid off. We selected books with representation, no stereotypes and stories of inspirational changemakers.
TIP: Indigo Bookstore has a dedicated section in store and online for Diverse Voices. Click here for book recommendations to International Women’s Day for Kids. Your local library will also have some recos too!
Empower Them to Speak Up – I explain to my boys that we all have a voice and when you see something not right or if someone is not being treated fairly, I encourage them to use their voice whether it be asking additional questions, asking for clarification and/or speaking up. I’m also trying to teach them to use judgement … their gut feel. And, if they’re not comfortable speaking up, they can come to us as parents or if they’re at school go to a teacher.
Talking About and Understanding Consent – we’ve had the talk of physical and emotional consent. We discuss boundaries and being mindful of not getting into someone’s personal space. And if someone tells that they are standing too close, they must immediately respect that and give space. The same goes for emotional consent. I want my boys to feel comfortable coming to me with questions or if something is bothering them. They know that I am here to talk things out. There are times where I notice my boys aren’t themselves. They also don’t open up right away if I ask them questions about school. Some of that is their personality and some of that is them feeling that I’ll get upset or be disappointed in them. I’m still learning how to navigate this as a parent because I always default to I’m a “let’s figure this out now and fix it” kind of person. I found that coffee dates or 1:1 dates with the boys have helped. The focus is on the one child and the vibe is to have conversations of what’s on their mind with no agenda from the parent.
Positive Role Modeling – whether it be avoiding traditional gender roles or how we talk about people who may be different from us, positive role modeling is key! It really starts at home; kids are watching and out of habit will mimic their parents’ behaviour. They will observe how you may treat someone with disabilities and/or talk to people who are different from you. When it comes to positive role modeling, we also try to avoid the gender roles at home. My husband and I never came up with a game plan. We knew that houses don’t clean themselves, but somehow we just got it done. Taking out the trash, making lunches, folding laundry, shoveling snow, cooking .. the list goes on.
I hope that these tips help you raise your son(s) to be an ally! If you have other tips that worked for you, drop a comment in the box below.
Shine Lily xo
